Episode 71| November 3, 2026
Are you the leader you think you are? Or is there a difference between how you see yourself and how your team experiences you?
Most leaders believe they're reasonably self-aware. They know their intentions, understand the decisions they're making, and believe they're communicating clearly.
But the people around them may be experiencing something entirely different.
Your tone may communicate frustration when you're simply concentrating. Your confidence may come across as intimidation. Your employees may hesitate to approach you because of an expression or reaction you don't even realize you're making.
And sometimes, the leadership behaviors that help you succeed at work create unexpected challenges in your closest relationships.
In this episode of Elevate Your Call to Service, Mike and Cathy McIntosh explore the leadership blind spots that influence how others experience us—and why developing greater self-awareness is essential to becoming a more effective leader.
Through personal stories from law enforcement, marriage, family life, and everyday communication, they examine the gap between good intentions and actual impact.
Because leadership isn't just about who we believe ourselves to be. It's also about the experience we create for the people we lead.
Episode Overview
Self-awareness is one of the most important—and sometimes uncomfortable—parts of leadership development.
We know what's happening inside our own minds. We understand why we're making a decision, what we're trying to communicate, and what we hope to accomplish.
Other people don't have access to that information.
They experience our words, facial expressions, body language, emotional reactions, and behaviors. And they interpret those signals through their own experiences and expectations.
Mike and Cathy explore what happens when those two perspectives don't align.
They discuss how leaders can unintentionally create confusion, how defensiveness prevents growth, and why honest feedback is necessary for recognizing blind spots.
Mike shares personal experiences from his law enforcement career, including discovering that employees sometimes interpreted his concentrated expression as anger. He also reflects on the challenge of bringing a strong command presence home to family relationships.
Cathy brings examples from writing, marriage, and personal conversations to demonstrate how easily we can assume other people understand what we mean.
Together, they explore practical ways to become more aware of our emotions, recognize recurring behavioral patterns, create margin for reflection, and make adjustments that strengthen leadership and relationships.
The Leadership Challenge: Your Intentions Aren't the Whole Story
In public safety, leaders regularly make decisions under pressure. They communicate expectations, address problems, supervise employees, and navigate situations where clarity and confidence matter.
But leadership experience doesn't automatically produce self-awareness.
A supervisor may believe they're approachable while employees feel intimidated. A leader may think they've communicated an expectation clearly when their team lacks the context necessary to understand it.
Even well-intentioned leaders can create unintended consequences.
The challenge is that we often judge ourselves by our intentions while others experience our behavior.
Recognizing that difference requires humility, curiosity, and a willingness to listen when someone describes an experience that doesn't match our own understanding.
The question isn't simply whether you're a good leader.
It's whether you're willing to discover the parts of your leadership that you may not see.
Major Leadership Insights
1. Self-Awareness Begins With Recognizing the Gap
We know our thoughts, intentions, and motivations. Other people know only what we communicate through our words and actions.
That creates opportunities for misunderstanding.
Mike and Cathy discuss why even capable, committed people can remain unaware of how they're coming across.
Developing self-awareness means examining both what we intended and what others actually experienced.
2. Good Intentions Don't Guarantee Clear Communication
Cathy shares an example from her writing experience. Because she knows the story she's telling, she can assume readers have information that hasn't actually been communicated.
When Mike asks questions or points out areas that aren't clear, those observations help reveal what a reader may be missing.
The same principle applies to leadership.
Supervisors often possess background information their employees don't have. Unless leaders recognize that gap, they may unintentionally create confusion.
Effective communication requires considering the listener's perspective, not just the speaker's intentions.
3. Defensiveness Can Keep Us From Growing
Honest feedback isn't always comfortable.
When someone questions our approach, we may instinctively defend our intentions rather than consider the other person's experience.
Cathy describes learning to recognize that questions about her writing weren't necessarily criticism. They were opportunities to improve her communication.
For leaders, this distinction matters.
Feedback can reveal information that would otherwise remain hidden. But only if we're willing to receive it.
4. Command Presence Doesn't Always Translate to Personal Relationships
Mike and Cathy discuss how behaviors that serve leaders in law enforcement can affect relationships at home.
Mike recalls learning that his mother-in-law sometimes found his authoritative presence intimidating.
He hadn't intended to make her uncomfortable. But her experience was different from his intentions.
The story illustrates why leaders need to recognize how their behavior affects people in different settings.
Being decisive and confident at work doesn't mean every personal interaction should carry the same level of authority.
5. Your Facial Expressions Communicate More Than You Realize
Mike shares an experience from his time as sheriff when employees interpreted his concentrated expression as a sign that he was angry.
He wasn't angry. He was focused.
But the people around him didn't know that.
Cathy expands on this idea by discussing how facial expressions can affect difficult conversations, especially when someone is sharing sensitive or emotional information.
Our expressions, tone, and body language can either support or undermine the message we're trying to communicate.
Self-awareness requires paying attention to those signals.
6. Emotional Control Influences Leadership Effectiveness
In law enforcement, leaders are often expected to make sound decisions during stressful and emotionally charged situations.
Mike discusses the importance of maintaining composure when responding to incidents and communicating under pressure.
He also recalls an early patrol experience in which a sergeant's arrival helped bring stability to a challenging situation.
The conversation reinforces the importance of recognizing emotional reactions without allowing those reactions to control decisions.
A leader's demeanor can influence the confidence and behavior of the entire team.
7. Leadership Reputation Is Shaped by Other People's Experiences
Every leader develops a reputation.
The question is whether that reputation reflects the leader they intend to be.
Cathy raises a challenging question: What would your employees say about your leadership if you weren't in the room?
She distinguishes between the leader we want to be, the leader we believe ourselves to be, and the leader others actually experience.
Mike emphasizes the importance of seeking feedback from people whose opinions we value and who are willing to speak candidly.
That outside perspective helps us recognize what self-reflection alone may miss.
8. Self-Awareness Requires Reflection, Margin, and Practice
Recognizing a blind spot is only the beginning.
Mike and Cathy discuss the importance of reflecting on our behavior, checking our emotional state, identifying recurring patterns, and intentionally making adjustments.
They also explore the effect of overloaded schedules and constant distractions on our ability to remain present.
Creating margin provides opportunities to think, respond thoughtfully, and recognize when our behavior isn't matching our intentions.
Self-awareness develops through consistent practice, not a single moment of realization.
Practical Takeaways for Public-Safety Leaders
Examine how others experience your leadership. Consider whether your team would describe you the same way you describe yourself.
Pay attention to your nonverbal communication. Your tone, facial expressions, and body language may send messages you never intended.
Invite honest feedback. Identify people who will tell you what you need to hear, not simply what you want to hear.
Recognize your emotional patterns. Notice when stress, fatigue, frustration, or distraction begins influencing your behavior.
Adjust your leadership to the situation. The approach that works during a critical incident may not be appropriate for a family conversation or a coaching discussion.
Create space for reflection. Give yourself time to examine difficult interactions and identify what you could do differently.
Practice intentional change. Choose one recurring behavior to improve and work on it consistently.
Key Moments From the Conversation
01:14 — Are You as Self-Aware as You Think? Mike and Cathy introduce the gap between self-perception and how others experience us.
03:00 — When Good Intentions Get Misunderstood. Why knowing what you mean doesn't guarantee someone else understands.
07:40 — Defensiveness and Leadership Blind Spots. How personal reactions can interfere with learning from feedback.
10:00 — When Command Presence Comes Home. Mike and Cathy examine the impact of authoritative leadership behaviors on personal relationships.
17:30 — What Your Facial Expressions Communicate. How unintended nonverbal signals influence the people around us.
23:00 — Stress, Distraction, and Relationship Friction. Recognizing the effects of divided attention and emotional reactions.
26:30 — Switching Off the Leadership Role. The challenge of transitioning between professional and personal responsibilities.
30:40 — Your Leadership Reputation vs. Reality. The difference between the leader you intend to be and the leader others experience.
32:30 — Emotional Control Under Pressure. How composure influences decisions and team confidence.
40:00 — How to Recognize and Close Your Blind Spots. Practical approaches to feedback, reflection, and behavioral change.
Key Leadership Quotes
“Every single leader has a reputation, whether they develop it intentionally or not.”
— Cathy McIntosh
“And self-awareness helps us recognize the difference between being the leader we want to be, the leader that we think we are, and the leader that other people actually experience.”
— Cathy McIntosh
“That gap's never going to completely close, but we want to close it as much as we possibly can.”
— Mike McIntosh
“You've got you've got to create a little bit of margin in your in your day so that you're not running from minute to minute.”
— Mike McIntosh
The Leadership Challenge for Your Team
Think about the people you lead.
Would they describe you as approachable? Patient? Clear? Supportive? Calm under pressure?
More importantly, how would you know?
Consider asking someone you trust:
“What's one thing about how I communicate or lead that I may not recognize about myself?”
Then listen.
Resist the temptation to explain what you intended. Instead, consider what their perspective might reveal.
Choose one adjustment you can begin practicing this week.
The goal isn't to eliminate every blind spot. It's to become increasingly willing to recognize them and intentional about addressing them.
Frequently Asked Questions About Leadership Blind Spots
What are leadership blind spots?
Leadership blind spots are behaviors, reactions, assumptions, or communication habits that affect others in ways a leader doesn't recognize. They often arise when the leader's intentions differ from how employees, coworkers, or family members experience their behavior.
Why is self-awareness important in law enforcement leadership?
Law enforcement leaders routinely communicate expectations, make decisions under pressure, and influence the behavior of others. Self-awareness helps them recognize how their tone, emotional reactions, facial expressions, and decisions affect team confidence, communication, and trust.
How can leaders identify blind spots they can't see themselves?
Mike and Cathy emphasize seeking honest feedback from people whose judgment you trust. Leaders can also reflect on difficult interactions, recognize recurring patterns, and compare what they intended to communicate with what others actually experienced.
How do leadership blind spots affect trust and communication?
A leader may believe they're being clear, approachable, or supportive while others experience confusion, intimidation, or frustration. When those differences go unrecognized, misunderstandings can continue. Greater self-awareness allows leaders to address their behavior and strengthen relationships.
Can command presence negatively affect personal relationships?
Yes. Mike and Cathy discuss how behaviors that are useful in authoritative leadership roles can create challenges at home. Mike shares a personal experience of learning that his command presence could feel intimidating to a family member, even though that wasn't his intention.
How do stress and emotions influence self-awareness?
Stress, fatigue, frustration, and competing responsibilities can affect how people communicate and respond. The episode explores why recognizing emotional reactions is important, especially when making decisions under pressure or interacting with people who need our attention.
Why is honest feedback sometimes difficult for leaders to receive?
Feedback can challenge how we see ourselves. Cathy discusses how she initially responded defensively to questions about her writing before recognizing that those questions could improve her communication. The same principle applies when leaders receive feedback about their behavior.
What is the difference between leadership intention and leadership impact?
Intention describes what a leader means to communicate or accomplish. Impact describes how others actually experience the leader's words and actions. Self-awareness helps leaders recognize when those two perspectives don't align.
How can leaders become more self-aware?
Mike and Cathy discuss several practical approaches: asking for feedback, reflecting on interactions, monitoring emotional reactions, recognizing behavioral patterns, creating margin in the day, and consistently practicing adjustments.
Can leaders ever eliminate all their blind spots?
The conversation suggests that complete alignment between self-perception and others' perceptions is unlikely. Mike emphasizes that the goal is to close that gap as much as possible through feedback, reflection, and continued personal growth.
Leadership Foundations Represented
This conversation explores three of Integrity Leadership Development's Five Leadership Foundations.
Leadership Readiness
Self-awareness helps leaders understand their influence, examine their leadership reputation, recognize growth opportunities, and lead with greater intention.
Trust & Communication
The episode examines how communication, nonverbal signals, emotional reactions, and honest feedback influence trust and relationships.
Wellness & Resilience
The conversation addresses emotional control, stress, competing responsibilities, and the importance of creating space for reflection and personal growth.
Continue the Conversation
Self-awareness isn't limited to leadership positions. It affects our teams, families, marriages, and everyday relationships.
Discuss these questions with a trusted colleague, mentor, spouse, or leadership team:
Where might there be a difference between my intentions and how others experience me?
What feedback have I received that I initially resisted?
How do stress and fatigue affect my communication?
Are there behaviors that help me professionally but create challenges personally?
What is one change I could practice this week to become more intentional about my impact?
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About the Hosts
Mike McIntosh is a retired sheriff and current division chief with nearly four decades of law enforcement leadership experience. He brings practical insight into leadership development, organizational culture, communication, and leading through demanding public-safety environments.
Cathy McIntosh is a business and branding strategist who brings a relationship-centered perspective to communication, personal growth, and leadership.
Together, Mike and Cathy host Elevate Your Call to Service, helping law enforcement and public-safety leaders lead with greater intention, strengthen their teams, and grow in their call to service.
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Elevate Your Call to Service helps public safety professionals lead proactively in a reactive profession.
Mike and Cathy McIntosh bring together decades of law enforcement leadership, organizational development, business strategy, and the perspective of a law enforcement family to explore practical ways to prepare leaders before promotion, strengthen trust and communication, build resilient teams, and create cultures where people are prepared to lead well.
Leadership shouldn't be left to chance.
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